(Part 1 of this interview is found here)…I allowed myself to drift away from those “friendships”. There were a few notable exceptions and I am even closer with those few women who are true friends. Most of my friends were from places where I worked. So it shouldn’t have been big shock to find out that they didn’t want to have coffee and homemade muffins in my kitchen and preferred the fancy corner coffee shop with $4.00 muffins. At first this was very hurtful, but I realized I really didn’t have much in common with those friends other than the place we worked. Ultimately, my best friend is my husband so I always knew that my most important friend would be very supportive! Also, I have made a few new tentative friendships with other full time homemakers. Hopefully those friendships will grow.
Sarah, for the woman whose heart beats to be at home with her children and does not have the emotional support and encouragement from her husband…talk to her! What do you say?
I may not be the best person to offer any advice. Please know I understand how strongly you want to stay home. Consider that most men grew up with working Mothers and were told their entire lives that women would prefer to go to work outside the home. Additionally, men do not experience the intense emotional (and possibly hormonal) need to be close to their children all day. Your husband would not have married you if he didn’t believe you were worthy of being his Wife and Mother to his children. So don’t be discouraged.
I feel the best way to obtain the encouragement of your husband would be to show him what you can do! Show him a frugal, efficient housewife. Strive to replace the income you bring to your family with skills and services your income currently purchases. Understand that you are transitioning from a job (your current outside the home) into another, the most important job. Decide you are applying to win your husband’s full support to stay home. Ask yourself if an unrelated household would hire you at your current salary to be a full time professional house-manager. Think of all the preparation that goes into applying for a job. You research the company, put your best foot forward, and acquire skills that would be valuable.
Begin by getting yourself on a home cleaning and decluttering schedule. A simple version of the lylady system that works for you is a good way to start (flylady.net). Ensure that your home is as clean and comfortable as you can possibly make it.
Do your research. There are a lot of studies that show the benefits children experience as a result of full time parenting. The website Ladies Against Feminism (www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com) has wonderful articles on parenting and the benefits to children. Remember that your husband may not have ever experienced a stay-at-home Mother so he has no idea of the benefits a full time Mother can bring her child. Additionally, with a stay-at-home Mother, the expense of preschool can be avoided.
Start making small frugal changes in your spending habits to get used to the idea of being frugal and to save money. Experiment with what works for you and what makes day to day living uncomfortable. Start with small changes. Maybe make your own laundry detergent for an easy project. Definitely begin to plan meals and shop only from your prepared grocery list.
Acquire skills that will be useful at home just as you would if you were getting ready to transition between jobs..(this interview concludes in two days).