Tags
ABC's of Love, advice to a young wife, blessing your husband, c, chick flicks, covenant marriage, epic love, Fighting Feminism, inexpensive ideas for celebrations, nanny goats, pleasing your husband
The Day is almost upon us and a woman can hardly enter a grocery store or florist shop without bumping into a man with his arms full of flowers.
Have you ever noticed that a man holds a bouquet of flowers up and out from his body, kind of like an Olympic torch? Take a good look at the next man you see who has just purchased some Valentine’s flowers and see if you don’t catch a look of triumph and pride on his face.
That look of victory is there for good reason. After surviving the stress of Christmas, here come the Valentine’s Day ads. These ads are targeted at women but the pressure is on men. The message to men is clear, “Men, if you really love her you will buy her something…and that something will be very expensive.”
In the back of every good-hearted man’s mind there lurks that niggling question,
“Will flowers be enough? What if she is thinking jewelry?” Oh help me Lord!
Men have good reason to worry because, let’s be honest ladies, Valentine’s Day is a big deal for women. It’s a big deal for us because, way back in our minds we have this niggling little worry,
“Does he really love me? Is this love that we have ‘it’?”
We want that sweeping, swooning, love like we see in the movies (that’s why most marriage books are read by women and the chick-flick industry is going strong).
We also like foo foo and candy and sweet little nothings written on cards and carved into chalky tasting candy hearts and (if we’re honest with ourselves) we love the envious looks our friends and relations give us when the man in our life makes some crazy, creative, romantic gesture.
Valentine’s Day is fun. It’s romantic. And it puts a lot of pressure on our men.
As a younger woman, I put a lot of pressure on my husband.
I thought I knew what love looked like and the flowers he picked out of the New Mexico State University Agriculture garden for free did not look like love!
While I was busy getting my feelings hurt, I failed to notice all the ways that he showed real love to me.
He’s always defended me. He’s really good at that.
Over the years he’s worked at jobs he hasn’t particularly liked just to provide for us.
He gets angry and blows it…and apologizes.
He’s put his jeans back on in the middle of the night to go hunt up something at the store to make my pregnant stomach feel better and he’s done this more times than I can count.
He’s rented a carpet shampooer to clean baby vomit off the couches and ended up spending his one free weekend doing the entire house because I insisted.
He once brought home a pregnant nanny goat in the back of our mini-van because I got it into my head that our little acreage was The Little House on the Prairie except I forgot we didn’t have a truck or a trailer to transport the brainless mother-to-be. I’ve never forgotten the look on that poor man’s face as he drove up our driveway with the van full of excited children and a bleating goat. He had that what-has-she-gotten-us-into-now look…
He says those magic words to me, “What would you like me to make you to eat?” and then he makes it…better than a restaurant.
He thanks me, often, for giving him eight children. That really makes my heart go pitter pat.
My husband has also gotten really good at giving special gifts and beautiful cards. Those are fun and wonderful and sweet but they don’t really prove his love like all the other things he does.
We have that swooping, swooning, epic kind of love but it looks and feels different than the movies. It is better. Real love means commitment and forgiveness and sacrifice and being there.
So what if he buys you a new set of dish towels for a gift and doesn’t bring you a soppy card or a box of chocolates? I’ll just bet that the man in your life is doing an awful lot of things right.
“When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything.”
― Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage
Give him a big kiss and tell him that out of all the men in the world, he is your hero.
Choose to have a wonderful Valentine’s Day.
Generational Womanhood 
Thanks.
And this is why, every February, my husband checks in just to make sure I don’t want V-day *this* year… and I always say “let’s skip it!” Because it seems to me that Valentine’s day is nothing but a stress for him – every girl needs at *least* flowers. But he doesn’t want to give the “least,” so that means flowers and chocolate. But if he really, really wants to show how much much MUCH he loves me, doesn’t that require flowers and chocolate and… what? dinner out? jewelry? And once you get that elaborate… of course you can NEVER downscale! But the price and pressure become insane and… we just skip the whole day. Entirely. No card and not even a special V-day smooch! And my husband loves me for letting him off the hook, I must say. He makes it up to me all 364 remaining days. Which is even better! 😉
You are a wise woman Anne. You also sound very secure in your husband’s love.
Thanks for commenting!
Jill
I had to click “like” because they don’t have a “love” button. Love this post!
What a sweet comment! Have a wonderful Valentine’s Day Elizabeth!
Jill
It’s so funny because when I saw the title, I thought, “Well, I guess Jill’s going against the grain and not talking about love today. But then as I continued reading, I absolutely loved it. And I loved the quote at the bottom of the page so much I just shared it on our FB page and something tells me our Facebook community is going to spread that quote everywhere :). Happy Heart’s Day!
Why thank you Fawn! Have a wonderful, love-filled day!
Jill
came over via the blog linkup at Happy Wives…. LOVE this!! sounds as if you do, indeed, have swoony love that is better than the movies 🙂
After reading several blog posts on this subject, I’ve come to the conclusion that Valentines Day means different things to different couples. For my hubby and me, this is an awesome day (actually, an awesome couple of weeks. You see, our anniversary is Jan. 31st, so we just have 2 weeks of wonderful romance!) We are both fully involved in doing things for each other, often taking the fun challenge on of trying to out-surprise the other, but with NO pressure! I will make his favorite meal for dinner and make him a special “love” coupon book. He will clean the kitchen and make me breakfast in bed! While some couples may find this frivolous or cause them to feel the pressure/or guilt to do enough, we love the game we play on this day. He’s so creative and I love trying to come up with something different each year to surprise him! It definitely spices up our marriage! I can’t imagine doing nothing special on Valentines Day!!! But to each their own, right?
Check out both my blogs, where I love to share about the love of my life for the past 26 years!
(http://christintheclouds.blogspot.com/) (http://cairncottage.blogspot.com/)
In His Love, Ann
I certainly advocate celebrating Valentine’s Day! As a matter of fact, at our house we usually go hog wild with it. After the dreary months of winter, there is something about the pink and red hearts, the goodies, the sweet-nothings that I adore! However, I have learned to celebrate the day with less expectation from my husband. I say “less” expectation because he knows me well enough to plan something on Valentines Day.
The point of my post was to encourage women to look beyond the day and all the advertising hoopla and notice all the ways their husbands show their love throughout the year. I know too many women who get pretty snippy and demanding about what they “deserve” on the day…how discouraging is that to a man?
Thanks for commenting!
Jill
Jill;
I read this on Valentine’s Day and loved it and have just now reread it and love it even more. Thank you for speaking the truth in such a sweet and gracious way and also for helping all of us women who can get caught up in the sappy, happy cultural expectations for Valentines day. Although Loren and I did go out for dinner for Valentine’s Day, I was far more focused on what I needed to share with him and tell him in respect to how much I appreciate him than I was on what I wanted to hear from him. I am saving this message so I can periodically read it over the year even when it is not Valentine’s day. Blessings.
Thank you so much Debbie. It was good for me to think back on all the different ways that my husband has blessed me over the years! Blessings to you and your family.
Jill